beyondthescreen: (🤍)

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At half past 0700, my day had already begun at the firehouse, and I’d started running an equipment check to make sure everything was in working order.

I was glad that the changeover debriefing didn’t take long this morning; I wasn’t going to name names, but too many people at the station were so chatty, it was less about passing vital information and more about trading gossip at the end of a long shift. I wasn’t nosy enough to get much out of it, but it was an undeniable part of station culture that I did my best to navigate gracefully.

While I went through procedure to ensure my turnout gear was up to snuff, my stomach let out a long, gurgling whine. From behind me, I was startled by a melodious laugh. “Whoa, you sound hungry! Don’t tell me they starve the guys here!”

It didn’t sound like anyone I knew, so I turned around and was met with a young man I didn’t recognize.

 

☼ continue )

 

beyondthescreen: (🤍)

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The next day, as I pulled out of the Walgreens parking lot, I flipped the radio on without even looking at it. The radio barked back immediately: you’re listening to 97.1 - the EAGLE.

Rush hour traffic was always awful, but as I sat behind a banged-up Corolla being driven by an absolute psychopath, it gave me the chance to glance down at the bag my prescription sat in.

You aren’t going to take those drugs, are you? I could hear my mother say, flat yet cruel - her usual tone of voice. You really are just like your padre— necesitas estar en un manicomio.

She wouldn’t get it, and thank God she’d never have to try; that little yellow bottle and the contents within it were going with me to my grave.

In the cupholder, my phone started vibrating, so I shoved the prescription bag in between the seats and reached for it. As I grabbed it, I shot a look momentarily at the screen, though I really didn’t have to.

 

☼ continue )
beyondthescreen: (🤍)

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JANUARY

Gun shots.

The ringing in my ears is so loud, it makes me nauseous.

Everything stinks of burnt carbon and sulfur.

He goes down quickly, but I watch him fall to his knees in slow motion. Running to him feels like wading through quicksand.

On the ground, the dirt turns a ruddy-red as his blood soaks into it. I’m trying to stop the bleeding but it’s just not enough. Now my hands are ruddy-red, too.

He’s saying something, but I can’t make it out. He can’t stop bleeding. The bullets are still flying around us.

With his hands in mine, I pray to God: sorry for being a shitty Catholic; sorry for skipping church; sorry for every bad deed I ever did. I will make it up to you if you don’t take him now.

Stay with me, I tell him. Mi amigo, quédate conmigo. You can’t let your mamá bury her only son.

He looks at me like he’s lost in a daydream. His mouth is moving but I can’t hear him.

I pray in Spanish. I pray in English. I pray in both because I don’t know what language God even speaks.

His hands are cold. His grip weakens.

Take me instead, I plead. He’s got too much back home to lose.

I look into his eyes and I see nothing behind them.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

“And then, I wake up.”

☼ continue )

 

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